three stories

Wow, i feel like crap. It's 7:30pm and i still feel hungover. This past week has been a blur, well actually, this whole trip has been one. not because i'm drunk all the time, but because time flyyyyyyys in moscow. Ok, so here are some ridiculously awesome updates:



STORY #1 - Russians can be very nice
So last week after I left the Puskin museum, I realized i lost my Russian Nokia phone in there somewhere. So i spent an hour trying to talk to these Babuskas in English about how i lost my phone. I couldn't understand a single word they were saying, but they were very nice to me. I gave them my friend-who-can-speak-russian's number and they were going to call me if they found it. I had J text my lost phone from his phone, saying, "please call this number if you find this phone." An hour later, the museum called my-friend-who-can-speak-russian and told her that the museum has my phone. and i was supposed to pick it up the next day at 10am. "The workers have it,"the museum admin. supposedly told me friend.

Two hours a later a Russian woman called J. He gave me the phone. "Hello?" she says.
"Yes?" I say.
"I have your phone..." blah blah blah. Anyway, she told me to meet her at some random metro stop the next day at noon. and that was all. no name. no nothing. The next day i go to the metro stop and she arrives about 25 mins, but with my phone nevertheless.
"Is that you in the purple dress stranding right in front of me?" I say. She hangs up and smiles. "Thank you so so so much," i say.
"Oh oh, don't worry," she laughs,"Welcome to Moscow." And without a chance to say another word, she runs down the metro steps and barely catches the train. It was bizarre. And awesome. People say how rude and impolite Russians and Muscovites are, but this 30 year old lady in the purple dress showed me that that's not all too true. Not sure if someone in Pittsburgh would do that for me. I know that I probably wouldn't. But you already know that.
STORY #2 - My First Russian Date
It never happened. Shucks, darn, you really wanted some juice, huh? She didn't answer my phone call or text an 3 hours before we were supposed to meet. So i didn't go to the metro stop because i thought something went wrong or she might not be able to make it. Finally, when we were supposed to meet, she called me. She told me that it was raining and the exhibit we were supposed to go see was outside. She said maybe the next weekend we could do something. And just like that, she hung up. I barely got a chance to say a word. Whelp, that sucks.

B DID succeed on a date. He met this girl named Daria at the club Propaganda when he was quite plastered. So this date he went on was pretty much a blind date; he had very little recollection of what she looked like. Apparently, it went well, and she was very nice. But I guess B didn't want to continue this dating thing with her. (Oh by the way, we nicknamed her "Big Girl" because she was huge. Seriously, like 6'2''. So anyway, the story continues.... so Big Girl texts B last night, and she wants to go out and do something. B makes up some story about how he is busy with something else and can't go out tonight. Welll welll welll that wasn't a good idea. Because when we go to the club, there was Big Girl, dancing like only a russian would be, by herself, living it up, in the heart of mosco.w. J and I immediately bust out into severe laughter; B runs to the bathroom to hide. He eventually comes out and tries to avoid Big Girl all night. Well, see, this club isn't that big, and it's all open in the inside, so very little space for hiding. So when i'm on the dancefloor later in the night, she recognizes me and says hi, then B appears out of nowhere, and her face straightens. Damn, she was pissed. She says something angryly to him, grabs him by the wrist, and drags him off the dancefloor. It was so hilarious. that's all i know.


Story #3 - Anna the Moscow Medical Academy Freshman
So one day during Anatomy, we're screwing around in the Anatomy Museum like usual. A young, light skinned, tall, Russian girl approaches me and says something in Russian. I look at her blankly, and stutter,"Ya ne-govoroo pa-rooski."
She says, "oh, can i borrow your pen?"
I laugh and say yeah. The next day she's back, and in the same place as the day before. I quietly smile at her, and she does the same. The third day, she's there again! I smile at her, she smiles back. So J says, "Man, we need to go talk to this girl." So he does. and i follow.
We find out her name is Anna, she's a freshman (1st course as they say in russia) and she has to pass her anatomy exam next week or she will be in big trouble (note: my anatomy class ended a couple of days ago, and we never had an exam. haha, such a joke). To make a long story short, we talk to her for a long time, she starts bringing us treats into school each day, exchange numbers, and flirt a lot. Though we're not sure which one of us she likes. On this past Friday, we met her after class and she introduced us to her friend (forget name right now). We went to a russian cafe and drank some pivo (beer). This friend of hers was ridiculous. The loudest and obnoxious russian girl i've ever met. I loved it. Oh, AND this girl lives near us and knows where we can order Pizza-- my absolute favorite thing about life. So, Tak, Snatchet, So, Anna says that we can come to her apartment this Tues. after her exam and eat pizza. This is awesome, because we've yet to see a Russian flat. Last night, she told us that her guinea pig died. she was very upset.



Story #4 - The Adventures with Masha (the girl who might help me succeed in dying in russia)
Sorry, but I have to save this story for later, it's still unfolding; short version: My Histology teacher's grandaughter (Masha) may be trying to have a relationship with me--- oh, and she has a thug boyfriend, who dances in a hip hop group, who, as she explains,"will kill you if he sees you with me." We went to the movies, went to her flat, went to the grocery mart, she cooked me dinner, i've seen her bedroom (not what you think).
















(This pic is in histology class. Take notice to how ghetto the microscopes are. They use reflecting mirrors.... freaking mirrors... It's a joke.)

...

All my pictures (approx. 500) got deleted from my camera mysteriously. I am not happy.

Of Course! Lip Tattoo

^[This blog is part memory, part journal, part life. Hence, the posted times per entry are accurate and the events are real. More or less.]
^^[Muscovite: One who was born and lives in the Russian city of Moscow.]



08/6/08

15:00 Russians love Japanese crap. (See Kremlin temporary exhibit)

15:02 Somethings about last night: J didn't make it; vomited in metro while going home. We found a Pizza Hut;Russians give confusing directions; Got rejected by Fabrique like 8 times; Face-control sucks[1]. Zebras are crosswalks-- that's what they call them. funny eh?


Amanda XXXXXX**
XXX-XXX-XXXX
Tallahasee, FL[2]

10/6/08
[Complicated map drawn by Maria should go here. I can't draw it on this blog. It details the location of "Fridays," yes, TGIF Fridays, a Russian favorite, as well as two bar/clubs.]


NAMCO3
-1 spoon small
+500 ml KeRUP [or something like that]
+1 egg
+flour[3]

Thursday 12/6/08 DAY OF RUSSIA

14:45 I'm on metro to Red Sq. Last night: Propaganda[4]; too many drinks, not enough $; Tasha & Tasha[5] -- Red Dress -- B may have found a GF; Then Kate & ______; got K's # but don't think she was cute; Tasha #2 was very cute but had a bf. XXXX and J made out in the middle of the dance floor for what seemed to be hours. T puked in the cab. We left later than them at 5:50am, went to Makdonalds -- disgusting I know. With C, J, and Amy now. Dodge is @ Red Square already. Plan to get some russian wear this weekend.

13/6/08

16:48 Here I am, resting on a black leather bench in the Puskin Museum of fine arts. I'm about half way through, a lot of egyptian artifacts, quite impressive, a lot of famous sculptures that have been cast, so they're fake, but still cool. I really enjoyed seeing the Old Man painting by Rembrandt; his work is incredible, blows me away.

Facebook name:
Tania XXXX
phone: 8 910-XXXXXXX

Somethings about last night: Well, above is my first Russian love. Well not love, but Kiss? Make out? She kissed me to be specific. It was on the dancefloor of B2, another rooskie club. I know I know, making out on the dancefloor is trashy, but making out on a russian dancefloor? well that's just sweet. She had dark hair, about 5'3" with the face of BGresc; meaning a very russian face. Getting to the club was near accident. We got rejected from Che first, we needed reservations, then Grafit 33, where i was supposed to be meeting my girl "snake bite nora," was too expensive (about 40 bucks a person), so we found B2. I actually saw this girl on the empty metro before we even got there, we followed her up the escalator even, just so happened they were going to the same place, ergo, hence, the first line i would say to her had been created. Tania & Anastasia, those were their names. Both were out of school and now are translators or something. Tania went to school in Montreal so she spoke very good english. The other spoke barely any, just french and russian. T texted me today, we'll see what happens. Oh, she told me that mullets are everywhere b/c a singer that won Europe's American Idol had one.

Sat. 14/6/08

[Nothing Written][6]
_______________________________________________________________
1. Imagine a 6 foot Rooski with blonde hair, slim, and wearing cool rooski clothes, aka all black with pointy shoes and one article of something white, standing at the door, surrounded by 4 big fat rooskis, and he looks at your face then down to you toes and back up again, only to say "not tonight." B tried to bribe him with about 50 bucks. That didn't work.

2. Most entries that look like this are phone numbers and other contact info i get from Muscovites^^. But sometimes they are from Florida and live across the hall.

3. My substitute Histology teacher was ridiculous. She took a break in the middle of class one day and invited us to her office full of weird plants. Her grandaughter, who was about our age, warmed the tea and pulled out the already prepared apple pancakes. This is the recipe I got her to write down for me. The KeRUP stuff is the white milky substance that doesn't move that I talked about before. After class that day, our teacher took us outside and explained the history of all the surrounding buildings, including the first ever Moscow State University building which sits next to our medical building. She also showed us "the best geological musuem in the world," at least that's what she said. She even continued to walk us to the metro stop telling us more about what it was like to live during the Soviet regime. "We had nothing," she points towards the Kremlin walls, "They... they had everything. It was not good." You can tell from her tone that it's a hard subject for her to speak about.

4. Propaganda is a restaurant that clears the tables later in the night to make way for pure Rooski style dancing.

5. The next day I find out their names were Dasha.

6. So a good deal went on these surrounding days. But I didn't feel like writing about it in this dumb notebook. No Time. On Saturday we got up early and went to the MARKET. I don't remember what it's actually called but it's huge, and sells anything you could every imagine, pretty much. I bought two things, presents, so i can't divulge what they are just yet. When i first walked into the market a strange thing happened: cavalier as i am, i trotted into the first stand that sells shoes that i see. Run by Chechnians, at least i presumed them to be, it was quite the shop. Hundreds of shoes. All quite fashionable. All quite obviously fake. Let me correct something, i remember now, I didn't just trot into the stand... the man grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the damn thing. But hey, I'm in russia, what will this chechnian try with me considering that i looked like a russian citizen (aka not dark skinned). Anyway, he gets me in there and starts babbling off the only english phrases he knows. "Very good!" he exclaims as he pulls random shoes off the wall, bending them in all directions, and even showing me how they don't melt when holding a lighter to the leather. Wow, chechnian, you got me hooked. But then he gets personal. He literally pulls my shoes off my feet. Wow, chechnian, this is great service! i don't even have to take off my own shoes. The young chechnian then put his shoes on my feet and told me to walk around. Damn, chechnian, you're giving these to me for free? The shoes were Dolce Cabbana, i don't know much about brands, but i know that this is a pretty fly shoe. As i walk around the dirt ground in my new Dolce, i realize these aren't the most comfortable things---- surely, not Kangeroos, which by the way he insulted because they were not capable of resisting flames. So, I try to tell him with pure gestures and english but he doesn't understand that I don't want these shoes. Well well, chechnian, you didn't like that did you. He took my kangeroos and put them in a bag, tied the bag, and put them in the corner. Are you really stealing my 5 year old kangeroos chechnian? Then he starts raising his voice, and physically won't let me take the shoes off my feet. That's when my brother Dodge shows up. Now Dodge, he's the man, he's from Kansas, so he obviously knows what's up. He walks right up to this guy in his boat shoes and polo, and gives a 'what's up.' The chechnian didn't like that at all, and starts poking him in the stomach and making that noise you would make if you're tickling a toddler tummy by fluttering your lips. Dodge thought this was hilarious, as did i. But really i just wanted my kangeroos back. So I wittily pull out my visa to show him that that is the only way i can pay. he understood, but new i was lying. 5 more minutes of Babel-esque bickering and he finally lets me have my shoes back. Bad Chechnian.***
For the next 4.5 hours i walked around this monster of a market looking at all the cool soviet stuff, nesting dolls, and just about anything... even a sub machine gun.
So when we left, we stopped at Arbat st. to eat a nice dinner. Then i did something else pretty crazy.
I got a tattoo. A lip tattoo to be specific. My friend Lindsay wanted to get one actually first, and then my boy Dodge said, "hey Neil, you should get one too."
I said, "Pff, yeah right. What should i get, Dodge?"
Dodge said, "get.... Da." And that's when the light bulb blew up in my head. Blew up, because this was the best idea for a tattoo i've ever heard, and because I just remembered that i've been wanting to get a lip tattoo for roughly 2.5 years. So, I made up my mind. I was going to get it. J helped me out with the font. He found a russian magazine, inside was an ad for some rice. There lay "Da." Da means Yes in Russian, by the way. The tattoo lady thought i was crazy. J thought i was crazy, even Dodge who told me to do it thought i was crazy. I finally met my artist, his name i find out later to be Dmitri. He was the shit. He had gray hair, obviously a sign of experience, and he spoke broken english, which is better than just about everyone in the shop. When it was over, he shook my hand and we got a picture together. He took one for his records too. see, Dmitri thinks it's cool.
So now I have a Da tattoo on my lip. You can only see it if i pull my lower lip down with my hand. It's quite convenient if I don't feel like using my vocal chords in russia. Just whip out that lip.
Lindsey ended up with Beealyy Slooan. A white elephant. It's pretty sweet too. Behind her ear. I love beallly Slooans.


*** I have no proof that this guy was even associated with Chechnia. But i'm pretty sure he was.





[PICTURES WILL BE UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I HAVE SOME GOOD ONES. MOSTLY OF LIP TATTOOS AND RUSSIAN CHILDREN]

More

June 6, 2008

18:00 Lines in Russia are different; you must be touching at least some article of clothing belonging to the person in front of you to prevent someone cutting in front of you.

20:00 My histology professor, Tatiana, told us earlier this week how they use the hair of asian students as the pointers in the microscopes. She wasn't kidding; I looked. They glue foreign students' hairs into their microscopes.

June 7, 2008

00:01 Stu told me he saw a Muscovite line up shots on the hood of his car, do them all, then drive away [1].

10:30 Maria[2], my Anatomy professor, swore at her laser pointer and after looking at where it was made reacistly remarked, "Ahhk! China!"

10:45 The MSU Medical Academy is in a frenzy because Dodge [3] left his book in the hallway and forgot, but he told Maria that he left it in the Babuska-guarded Anatomy Museum.

14:10 I took a pic of Babuskas buying bras on the street. A very serious man came to me immediately speaking in very serious Russian. Thought he was going to kick my ass. I said meekly, "Choo-Choo[4]," and he laughed and walked away.

14:30 A guy dressed in full camo and bearing gold grills just asked me-- I assume, it was in Russian-- if I wanted to buy the baby rabbits he was carrying around in his shoe box.

15:20 "In Capitalism... The way of the gifted. In Socialism... The gifted go all the way!" Best thing I've bought so far. It was done by Mayakovsky. Just finished the museum. We followed a girl giving a tour whose father was completely obsessed with him and whose grandmother saw him dead after his suicide. She has his real death mask she said. Cool museum and it was free.

21:30 Went to the polytechnical museum after Mayakovsky. It was kinda lame. I ate a really good shiskabob. Now I'm drinking gin, getting ready for club "FRABRIQUE" should be interesting.

June 8, 2008

7:24 Long freaking night; just going to bed. Never got into fabrique but we did find another club, called club zona. thoroughly ridiculous. have to sleep. explain later.

15:00 In the Kremlin. Hung over. Russians love Japanese Crap (See: Kremlin temporary exhibit).

15:02 Some things about last night: J didn't make it; puked on the metro. We found a pizza hut. Russians give confusing directions. Russian dancing boggles my mind. Walked around an asked anyone alone if they spoke english; it worked for the most part. had a lot of fun.

15:03 In Russia, crosswalks are called Zebras.


15:25
@ Nabeleskaya
- (green line)
- Railway station
- GROMADA
<---- [5] size 42 __________________________________________________________________ 1. Note: In Moscow, you need neither a driver's license nor a license plate to drive-- only insurance.

2. Everyone* but me is in love with her. She's probably 49 years old. Why am I the only one that thinks having a crush on someone the age of my own mother is weird.

3. Mind you, the medical building here has a rule that everyone must be wearing a WHITE labcoat at all times. Dodge has a dark blue labcoat. You should see the looks he gets from these rooskies.

4. Very little

5. Directions that Irina wrote into my tetrad to a cheap shoestore. I need some Rooski footwear.

*J, B, Dodge

It's a Game: Connect the Description to the Photo

Us in front of the dorm at night

The dorm without us in front of it, during the day


Lenin's Tomb

The Gum at Night

Drinking Russian "milk" it doesn't really move.

A random church.

Eating mushroom sandwich and a gin and tonic in a can on the street. 60 rubles

A sweet bathroom at FAQ cafe (explained earlier).

St. Basil's

St. Basil's at Night

The Metro

Room

Tetrad entries.

June 2, 2008

11:11 Flower shops are everywhere.

11:45 I just took a Russian language placement test and guessed almost all the answers strictly on word endings.

16:00 Russians love making out on escalators.

22:02 Just outside the metro stop I met the same 16 yr old blonde Muscavite girl who was dancing to punk music on her headphones for 15 mins on the metro last night at 00:50. She spoke to me in English, asking me if I would give her money for beer (I just bought a Stella Artois from a street vendor). She told me she had an English exam soon. She was completely ridiculous.

22:15 On metro headed to the Red Square with a bunch of FSU students we just met. We're going to the English Pub.

22:30 Just informed that Gogol Bordello will be playing in Moscow in July.

00:30 On metro back to MSU and there is a homeless couple sitting across from me. The homeless are different here than pittsburgh. They stink much worse but are dressed much nicer.

00:58 Just got shushed for the second time by the Babushka. The FSU kids have been gossiping too loudly in the hallway.


June 3, 2008

15:35 Couldn't sleep again last night. Woke up at 4am, went to CafeMax and went back to bed at 8:30am.

16:16 "Holy shit! Look at this rock!" I got really excited in the rocks and minerals museum in the Lomonosov and yelled that; the security guy didn't like it I don't think. View is amazing up here.

17:35 In the Cafeteria. We just witnessed a Babushka pick up a poppy seed pastry that rolled off the serving tray and put it back with her bare hand. Then it rolled off again only hitting the table then the dirty, soviet floor with a splat. The Babuska ran away embarrassed. 30 secs. later she picks it back up with her bare hand and places it back on the serving tray. Looks like someone will get the lucky pastry after all! Just one example of Russian sanitation practices.

17:36 I just drank the "milk." I don't think it's milk. It doesn't move; not at all. It's more of a white sour paste... hmmm, think I'll get another.

22:22 Location: FAQ Cafe What: cool; hip; underground (literally); hookah; dark beers; tight spaces; everything looks like a piece of art.

22:38 "Do you want to smoke a Hookah? If yes, which one?" That was the text message the short, dark-skinned little man who works here brought over to us; he had some English speaking friend of his type it into his phone, then brought it over to us because we couldn't understand him. Quite funny really.

22:55 A local Muscovite with a blond mullet has sat next to us. He's hitting on this girl that's obviously not into him, so he has started buying us shots of tequila instead. He speaks broken English and starts telling all of us to come back to his place for a dance party. He writes this in my notepad:

(8916) 676 5379
Begovaia 7/9
flat 130
call me

This mullet is ridiculous and I might be the only one that refuses to go to his place. He's a good laugh though. That's probably what he thinks of us too i suppose.


June 4, 2008

5:30 Can't sleep again. To pass the time here's a list of things i've observed in Moscow: Mullets everywhere//Time is ambiguous//food is so-so//everything's very expensive//it's only dark a few hours a day which screws with your head//Floridians talk a lot of trash on eachother//There are 100 museums here//I would like to make a russian friend-- that's not named Alec//I've been conducting a staring experiment on the metro. Supposedly the Russian stare lasts longer than the American. So i do it a lot to see what happens. I think people just think i'm weird. But sometimes I get the stare back and it's awesome. Everyone should experience staring into the eyes of a complete Russian stranger// I like to eat a lot of mushroom sandwich thingys that go for 19 rubles on the street (<1$)//If you are not literally touching the person in front of you in line, someone will cut in front of you//I live in a museum.
Things I need to buy: 1)Gallon of voda (water) 2)Snacks 3)Handsoap 4)New freaking mattress and/or memory foam.

This is not Europe. This is Russia!

Time: 6:57am Where: CafeMax (local internet cafe)


A lot has happened in the past 4 days. First I will clarify the previous post.



a) Yes I did meet Ja Rule in the airport. And yes I did feel like I was in the movie Snakes on a Plane-- minus the snakes and add 200 lbs to Keenan.



Ja Rule is actually really short and basically an idiot. I was the only one who recognized him on the whole plane of 200 people (which is embarrassing). We talked to him for about 15 minutes about basically nothing... J just worked his ebonic skills mostly (god bless him). I liked his posse much more; they talked to us more enthusiastically, including the 400 lb Keenan-esque one that sat directly in front of us on the plane yelling, "Let's get twisted!" while trying to order large bottles of vodka, of which he was denied and forced to by many smaller bottles. When we weren't screaming "Ja Rule Baby!" J worked his magic with Keenan and found out where and when they were performing-- some club in Moscow and another in "perm"? I dont know. But we never found them again after the flight.

Bottom Line: Ja Rule Sucks (you probably already knew that) and Snakes on the Plane is more real than you would ever know.

b) [see reply section of last post]

c)
Ir, the coordinator.

d) Babuskas might be the greatest invention Russia. The US has all of these old people just wasting and away in front of slot machines and at Eat'n'Park... and we PAY them to do that. Russia instead is much smarter; Old ladies are put to work, and boy do they love it. They mostly just enjoying shushing you and speaking very fast Russian at you. But some of them are very kind hearted. Mine the other day went on a 1/2 hour search for toilet paper for me. Another one asked me if my shower i just took was good. They are also quite mystical. They always know if you are up to no good and can appear from thin air. But mostly just like watching tv in their rooms.


e) Only one person in our group of 8 can fluently speak Russian... and beyond her I'm actually the third best speaker... which is quite sad. But i have been using Russian as much as possible and the people don't seem to mind that i'm butchering their language. They just smile and repeat it 20 times.

f) Outside of the Main Building there are many open, wide streets that are uncrowded at night, so locals like to pretend they are in Fast in the Furious. Only the cars are not quite as cool. But it's quite loud and you can usually hear them until the wee hours of the night. Another cool thing is that night time only lasts about 4 or 5 hrs. After I wrote the last post, I walked outside at 4:30am and it looked like it was 10am. It's crazy and makes you want to never sleep... which i'm fine with. It's nice to go out at 11pm and be able to see where the heck you're walking and not be scared of people hiding in shadows (those in Oakland might be able to relate). But you really wouldn't have to anyway, because our campus is really safe and rather low key. It's about a 15 min. metro ride into the center of the city; very convenient. I have at least two classes in the center of the city right next to the Kremlin [pic of kremlin here]. I'm taking Anatomy and also Histology this first period of June, and Irina is also trying to find a Russian language course that will fit into my schedule.

g) You don't need a license to be a taxi in Russia. Thus Gypsy cabs. We still haven't taken one yet but i'll let you know when i do.

i) Pauli is just a neighbor of mine, maybe she'll read this and let me come to Bulgaria. Anyway, Russian girls: they are many beautiful women with ugly boyfriends, and a lot of PDA to prove it. I have started an experiment by staring at them in the eye-- girls that is. It started by Irina tolling me that Russian eye contact lasts longer than American, so I would try to hold contact longer when on the subway. But it sort of spiraled out of control and now i just stare at people in the eyes all the time; Irina told me that i need to keep track of peoples and behavior and she'll help me write (she's a PhD. student) a presentation at the end of the trip. Other things she wants me to study are vodka drinking habits and winking. She also told me that other Americans have found girlfriends while studying here before, so things look good. I'm sure my methods will produce speedy results. I mean, who doesn't love being stared at? I know i do. yesterday, a local (who could have been a prostitute) was totally into this staring game of mine. I can only go up from here. Today whores, tomorrow bride.

j) I have to go buy a hot water heater to heat water so we can give ourselves sponge baths. Everyone else actually has hot water right now, but the city is planning to shut off the water sometime in the near future for 3 weeks or so. Strange? yes. Very.






Alllllright, so my 1 hour in the cafe is running out and i gotta runnn.


Oh, i like it here. forgot to say that. a lot actually. i can't upload pictures right now but i will this week sometime!