I haven't died yet.

I'm sitting on the floor at 4am, Russian time, outside of the cafeteria on the tile floor with Russian KGB walking by while we're trying to listen to the Pens playoff game.


Days have elapsed and my access to computernbei has been extremely limited. I will give you a brief summarization of the past days events.

a) Ja Rule Baby... we became homeboys, pictures will be up later.

b) Power Wag (my high school power lifting math teacher) drove us to MSU at approx. 5 miles an hour for 4 hours.

c) Irina, the coordinator, is hot. We abuse her a lot. She told us that Russians don't like vodka which is a total lie so we can't trust her.

d) I have a babushka. She takes good care of me. Not a lie; she lives 12 feet from me.

e) Tanya, our Mama, is the only one who can fluenty speak Russian. She's the only reason why we "survive."

f) Fast and The Furious Moscow Drift: every night outside of our building.

g) Gypsy Cabs

h) 31 years old

i) Pavlina, the local Bulgarian, may perhaps be dating me. She is beautiful.

j) There is no hot water in my shower. The internet is strung by ethernet chords outside of the building like spider webbing. When it rains the internet goes out. I have a broom made of straw.

k) Moscow overall is quite a modern and clean place. I am enjoying it! More interesting and comprehensive info will be up soon, as well as photos.

10 Things I plan to do in Russia:

1. Find a hot Russian wife (shouldn't be hard).

2. Play out various scenes of N64's Goldeneye 007.

3. Introduce myself as Evgeni Malkin, Constantin Stanislavski, or Humbert Humbert.

4. Learn how to introduce myself as Evgeni Malkin, Constantin Stanislavski, or Humbert Humbert.

5. Find Lolita.

6. Get scolded by a babushka.

7. Train with the Muscovite Neo Nazis like that guy did in that documentary. You know what I'm talkin' about...

8. Saw off the antennae of my dorm, the Lomonosov, making the CL the #1 tallest ed. building in the world.

9. Spend a/many night/years in a Russian jail for attempting to drunkenly climb the Lomonosov.

10. Bring back gifts for everybody who comments on my blog!